I’m currently sitting on our front deck enjoying the beautiful weather with my cat and drinking a delicious (if overly sugared) ice coffee. I love that we have a deck so that I can sit outside and admire the very green leaves on the trees, listen to the birds chirping, and watch various neighbors as they go about their business. I spent much of my childhood playing outside, and as a result, I love the feeling of the breeze on my skin and the smell of the trees. It definitely brings me a sense of peace. Perhaps this is partly why I love running so much. I love being outside, even in the cold of winter. The only thing I don’t enjoy so much is the heat, which is why I definitely prefer running in the winter to running in the summer.
Speaking of running, today is certainly a perfect day for it. I’ve been slowly ramping back up on the mileaage (am aiming for a whopping 10 this week!), and my foot seems to be doing okay. I continue to ice several times a day, wear my silly sock at night, and do various exercises with stretching. I’m hoping my foot stays okay because I’m really hoping to run another half marathon this fall, and I need to get back to a good 20-25 mile/week base before I can really start training for that. Please continue to send healing thoughts my way.
On another note, I am (amazingly!) nearing the end of my intern year. Wow. Tufts graduation is today which means that I’ve officially been an MD for exactly a year. Wow. It’s amazing how much can happen in a year. Not that a lot has actually changed physically in my life, but mentally I feel very different. I do in fact feel like a doctor now, albeit a very young and inexperienced one. I feel like I’ve learned an amazing amount, but still have an amazing amount more to learn. I think that sense of always needing to learn more is part of what I like about being a doctor. Last year at this point I was completely terrified (and excited!) about starting intern year. And this year, I remain completey terrified of starting second year. But the fear now is a little different. In some ways it’s easier because I know what to expect, but in some ways it’s worse because I know just what can go wrong.
Second year is much different than intern year. My job is now more focused on supervising (!) and teaching and less focused on doing daily scut work. The new interns will be looking to me for advice. On an emotional level I feel that is utterly ridiculous (how can I possibly supervise people!), but an a more rational level, I recognize that I’ve learned an amazing amount, and it’s time I took the next step toward becoming an attending. A year ago, I didn’t know the dosage for amox off the top of my head, or how to do a lumbar puncture, or that constipation can easily mimic appendicitis, or how to manage a seizing child, or how to write TPN, or … the list goes on and on. On the other hand, I still don’t know how to intubate, or how to put in a chest tube, or manage any sort of arrhythmia, or diagnose a murmur… As I said, there’s always more to learn.
Scarily, it’s once again becoming time for me to make yet another decision about the path my career will take. I have to decide fairly soon whether to apply for a fellowship. Much to the perplexity of those around me, I’m currently leaning toward a fellowship in pediatric hematology/oncology. For those not in the medical world, that basically means taking care of kids with cancer or blood diseases (sickle cell, hemophilia etc). I know that probably seems like a very depressing topic, but so far I’ve really enjoyed working with families and helping things go smoothly during such a difficult time. I think it would be a privilege to have a job where you truly feel like you make a difference in someone’s life, whether that be helping a child fight cancer or helping a child have the best death possible. And on a different level, I find the pathophysiology behind cancer very interesting, and I would be excited to do research in that area.
On a more practical note, however, there is unfortunately only one heme/onc fellowship available in Boston, and it’s on the other side of town from where we currently live. I have to say that I LOVE our condo, and would be very sad to move. If I were to match at the Children’s program, that would mean a fairly long commute for me, and if I didn’t match there, then we would have to move to another city. Plus there’s the whole issue of when to have kids…
Another option would be to take an extra year between residency and fellowship, whether it be doing research, or a chief year, or moonlighting. That would give me an extra year to decide about fellowship and possibly a year in which to have a baby. Phew, so much to think about. But enough serious talk, it’s time to find some lunch and do some gardening.
